It was as if He thumped me on the back and I was able to cough and I could breathe again. He saved my life.

I had enough assurance of His presence that I could go back to sleep without concern. I did ask Him, before going back to sleep, to send the enemy out of my house and to flood me and my home with His Holy Spirit. Then I went to sleep. I woke up feeling fine except a little soreness in my chest from the struggle to breathe.

Since that night, I have thought often about what happened. That one incident has built my faith in such a huge way. If God could save my life while I was choking alone in my house in the middle of the night … what can’t He do? Why should I worry about anything? I have felt such assurance since then. I am in very good hands. We all are. Thank You, God!

Write a prayer confessing a time when you turned away from God.

Prayer

Father, I love You so much. I worship You. I praise You – for who You are, and for all You’ve done in my life. Thank You for Your unending love.

I am so grateful, God, that You pulled me up out of the ashes. Was it really only six years ago? So much has happened since then. You’ve changed my life inside-out, and I thank You.

God, I’m so sorry, for all those years I turned a deaf ear to Your gentle voice. Your heart was for me. You never wanted me to jump off a cliff. You were standing by, so ready to show me where to take my next steps, so ready to lead and guide and be my comfort and strength. You were so filled with love for me, and so ready to pour Your blessings into my heart and my life.

But I chose to do it my way. I chose to dig my own path, to hack my way through the tangled weeds and briars, to wander through the wilderness, wailing and weeping, because my life was falling apart and the walls were caving in. I cried out to You in despair: "God, help!" I never listened for Your response. I don’t think I really expected a response.

I had no idea how close You were, how intently Your gaze was focused on me, and how much Your heart ached for me. I had no idea how ready You were to intervene, if only I would let You, if only I would surrender. God, You loved me so much in that hour, when I wandered in circles and never lifted my gaze to find You. You loved me, and You kept me from worse harm, despite the destruction I tried to bring on myself. You never left my side. You never gave up on me. You never stopped calling, and You never stopped listening. You never stopped loving me.

God, I thank You for the ways You intervened, through the prayers of others – prayers that You put on their hearts for me. God, You drew me to a place where I could finally say, "Lord, I’m so sorry. I can’t do this on my own anymore. I need You, God." And then like lightning, from the depths of Your heart, You reached in and lifted me up and held me close. You breathed new life into me. And thus began our new journey, truly together, You and me – a journey of healing, and restoration, and new life.

Thank You, God, that You never leave us nor forsake us. Thank You that You are constantly drawing us to You, wooing our hearts, even when we turn away. Thank You for Your grace that surrounds us always, reminding us of who You are. Thank You, Lord, that when we turn our hearts back to You, and seek You first, and listen to You, that You don’t wait one moment to pour Your blessings on us, and to place our feet on the path You have set before us - Your path, that brings us to the most beautiful places, and that leads us deep into Your heart.

I love You, God – so much! I thank You and I praise You. You amaze me, always, and Your love is overwhelming. Thank You, God, for who You are. Thank You for Your love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

I was visiting with friends in Arkansas. One of our friends, a doctor, was hosting a table at a community resources exhibition. Another friend and I were planning to help her out at the table that day. However, I woke up feeling horrible. I wasn’t sure why. It was August and the heat was sweltering. I had a slight headache, but by the time we arrived at the exhibition center, the pain had intensified. We went inside just long enough to see our doctor friend, and by then I told my friends I had to go home. My head was throbbing and I was starting to feel nauseous and dizzy.

We got back into the car and started the long drive home. I was just trying to maintain myself and couldn’t wait to get out of the rumbling car. My friend asked if we could make a quick stop at the McDonald’s drive-thru to get a dollar burger for her dog at home. Feeling half unconscious, I just grunted that this would be fine.

As we got in line at the drive-thru, my thoughts turned to a time when I was very sick as a child. This didn’t feel all that different. That childhood illness was heat stroke, and I wondered if this might be the same. One thing that had helped so much during that childhood heat stroke was that my mother gave me a coke to drink. I wasn’t raised drinking soda; my mom was very much against it. However, there were some medical circumstances when she thought a coke would be helpful.

My friend had placed her order and paid, and as the car crept forward to the pick-up window, I thought, Wouldn’t a coke be nice right now? It was too late to order, plus I had no money. So I turned to prayer instead. God, You’re my Healer. I need Your help right now. I’m not feeling so good. Please help me. You’re the One who can refresh me."

We got to the pick-up window and my friend reached out to take the hamburger bag. The woman working at the window said, "Hey, would either of you like a large coke?" She reached toward the counter and picked up a large cup. "I just filled this but we didn’t need it. You can have it. It’s free."

With tears in my eyes, I rolled my aching head toward the window and nodded. "That’s from God," I told my friend and the woman at the window. I reached for the coke and then started to drink, sobbing between sips. Then I leaned back in the seat, into the arms of my heavenly Father, and said, "Thank You, Abba."

The whole way home, I was crying, sipping coke, and praising God. By the time we got to the house, I went in to lie down, already feeling that I had turned a corner, and was on my way to recovering. By dinnertime that night, I was fine.

I still have the empty coke cup. I feel that God reached down from heaven and put it in my hand. 

This summer, I got an aquarium. It had been years since I’d had an aquarium, and I felt very "new" as I walked into the pet store. I asked for help – from A to Z. The person who helped me advised that I "cycle the tank" before adding fish. She said it would require patience. It could take six or more weeks, but it would help ensure a better environment for the fish. I agreed to try it.

She told me what to expect. I was to "feed" the tank every day – adding a small amount of food as if the fish were there. After a week or so, the tank would become cloudy. She told me to expect a mess – the water would look horrible and the tank might smell.

"Your friends will think you’re crazy, but tell them it’s normal and you know what you’re doing," she said. "After a few weeks, the tank will clear up. Then you’ll siphon out twenty percent of the water, add new water, and you will be ready for fish."

It happened just the way she described. My beautiful fish tank turned disgusting. The water was thick; the smell inside the tank was horrible. It stayed that way for weeks. I waited. I began to wonder … did I do something wrong? Was this cloudy mess ever going away? Surely I had missed a step.

Finally, at the six-week mark, something amazing happened. The water cleared instantly. I sat and watched it. I’d never seen anything like it. It’s been clear ever since. It’s ready for fish.

For several weeks before the water cleared, I had lost faith. Up until the day before, I was focused on what I might have done wrong, never expecting that the water could clear from such a mess. How often do we feel that way in our lives? We know God’s promises, but our eyes and our senses tell us the water isn’t clearing as promised. God says, "Wait for it …" But we fret. Then, when it happens the way He promised all along, we are amazed.

Heavenly Father, strengthen us in faith, so that we believe Your promises, even when our eyes and our senses deceive us. We pray this in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Where in your life do you need to "wait for it…" ?

The drill field at the military college was still mostly in darkness, as I took a morning walk with a friend. The faintest hint of light signaled that dawn would soon approach. The military students, with their exercise squads, became visible in the middle of the drill field.

Something was unusual that day. Normallly the students dressed in uniform exercise clothes. Today, the increasing light revealed a riot of color. It looked chaotic. It had no pattern. Just different students wearing different color t-shirts and uniform pants. I love every color of the rainbow. Why should this bother me? Because it was different from the usual order. The exercise squads seemed in disarray.

About 20 minutes later, something changed on the field. The students were called to order, and they prepared to march around the central campus. As they fell into line, I realized each marching squad wore identical colors. What had earlier seemed to have no rhyme or reason suddenly made sense. It was as if the field were a large kaleidoscope, and someone had just turned the view. I saw from a new perspective. The pieces had all been there. I just hadn’t seen the bigger picture.

It’s the same way as God moves in our lives. We see bits and pieces, and we feel that life is in disarray. Then God moves His hand over those pieces, and everything falls into place. We see from a new perspective – His perspective. The colored shirts on the drill field were a reminder that even when things seem in disarray, we need to have faith and seek God’s perspective.

Heavenly Father, help us to see from Your perspective every day. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

In whatever situation you are struggling with today, ask God to show you His perspective.

I walk in healing

Regardless of how I feel.

I walk in healing

No matter how it hurts.

I walk in healing

Even when I stumble.

I walk in healing

Despite the doctor’s words.

I walk in healing

No matter what my mind says.

I walk in healing.

Christ has healed me.

Lord, awaken in me the desire to seek You. It is “easy” to put You first above all else. But how do I earnestly seek after You, in mad pursuit, with all my heart?

Come to the river’s edge. Walk along the banks. Sit on the grassy slope. Lie down in the grass. Breathe the wildflowers. Put your face right up to them and just drink in their fragrance. I lovingly nurtured them in that wild flower bed just for you. Just for this moment with you. My gift to you.

Lie back and look up at the beautiful clouds overhead. Drink peace from the depths of My Spirit. Roll on the ground. Let the deep laughter of eternal joy burst forth. I have placed My joyful laughter in you, for My good pleasure! Roll on the ground with abandon, with childlike faith. Then fall exhausted into My arms and rest a while.

Lord, thank You for Your invitation. I would love to sit at the water’s edge with You. I also long to jump into the river.

Come closer. As you share in My delight on the banks of the river, your spirit will begin to thirst with a deep thirst that draws from the deepest wells of My heart. Let your thirst build, until it is insatiable. Even there on the slopes, begin to draw deeply from Me, spirit to Spirit, until you feel that you will never have enough. Then come closer, to the very edge of the water, where you feel the cool refreshing in the air, and the moist dirt soothes the tips of your toes, enticing you. Then dip your hand in the water and drink. As My laughter bubbles up within you, as the water pours down your neck and covers you, let go of all you cling to, and fall into the river.

Lord, I can’t say no to You. If You hold out Your hand to me, I will come to You. But what if I can’t drink deeply enough? How do I know I’m ready?

Trust in Me. Give yourself to Me by faith. I have all you need. I am the desire in your heart. I am your deepest longing. I have placed in you all the things that draw you to Me. You are of Me. Through My Son, Jesus Christ, you are one in Me, reconciled to Me forever.

Come to Me by faith, knowing My insatiable love pours out for you across eternity. Come to Me. I will awaken your spirit to the depths of Mine. I have everything you need. Don’t worry, saying, “How will I desire You, Lord?” It is I who put that desire in you, and I know how to draw it from you. I know how to draw you to Me, deeper and deeper in love and passion and desire. I will ignite your passion for Me.

Simply come to Me. Put your hand in Mine. Drink of My Spirit as I pour out to you. I love you with an unquenchable fire of love that will ravage your heart from the very depths of Mine, and My passion for you is deeper than anything you can fathom. Let My passion consume you with the fire of My heart. I love you.
 

… from my journal of Bible meditation, as I walk out the healing the Lord Jesus has poured into me, seeking daily nourishment and renewal in His Word …

I long to see Your presence, God. To have it be so real to me, I can reach out my hand and touch Your face. Come near to me, Lord. Press Your face right up to mine. I want to be close to You. I want to have more of You. I just want to be with You.

The greatest desire of My heart is to hold each one of My children close. I want to love you in ways you cannot imagine. You have not even begun to experience My love in the ways I desire for you to receive it. You can’t contain it. My Spirit longs to ravage you with My love. My heart longs to set you on fire with the blaze of My Holy Spirit. There is no greater joy than to let My love consume you. To watch you move into greater fullness of My love. To watch the flames of My passion transform you. To feel the overflow of My love in you, as you invite more of My Spirit, as you receive more of Me. It is a joy to watch you weep and laugh with the overflowing of My heart in you.

I speak of depths you cannot fathom. Heights you cannot imagine. Yet My desires are simple. I long to have you gaze on My face; to have you reach for My face, as a small child, and pull Me close, and touch My heart with your love.

I could do that forever, Lord. Just reach for You, and never have enough of You. Always wanting more. Just to be in Your presence forever, and have You gaze on me with eyes of love. And to love You, and bless You, and just to be Yours, always. That desire is so great in me I can’t even express it.

Come closer. Don’t be afraid. There is no part of Me, nothing in Me at all that would ever hurt you. I am the fullness of good, and light, and perfectness, and faithful, unchanging, eternal love. I know the fullness of My love in you, and that’s where I’m leading you, every hour drawing closer to walking in more of that fullness. I am growing you in the image of Christ, leading you to where you can drink ever more deeply of My love. Transforming you with My love. So that you will walk and live and breathe as a revelation of My love. Come closer, and let Me change your heart. Let Me pour My love into you, and consume you, and overflow you, and lift you up, close to Me, where you can see My heart poured out for all of My children, and find new life in Me.

Lord, I want more of You. I say yes! I’m dizzy in Your presence, but captivated and can’t let go of You. Don’t want to let go of You. Draw me in. Change my heart. Lift me up to be beside You, always, to see what You are doing, to feel Your heart beating inside of me. Let me be consumed by Your love. I want this. I want You! Help me, Lord, to receive all of the love You have for me. Transform me into the image of Jesus, and let Your love be everything in me.

Walk beside Me, and hold My hand. I will lead you on the path I have set for you. It is a path that leads deeper into My heart, and with each breath, more of My love seeps into you. I have created you to receive the fullness of My love. Every hour, My darling child, you are growing in My love. Look up to Me, trust Me, and I will lift you up to see what I am doing. And you will be overwhelmed by the love you feel as My heart and My Spirit pour into you. Lean back, and rest in My arms. Let Me simply love you.
 

… from my journal of Bible meditation, as I walk out the healing the Lord Jesus has poured into me, seeking daily nourishment and renewal in His Word …

It’s so hard to believe You would create a world fresh and new, just for me to experience. I can see You leading me out of a cave, saying, “The winter is past. Look!” I can see myself stepping into the beauty You’ve called me to see. I breathe the fresh air, take in every detail, smell the sweet fragrance of spring, and see Your excitement of the days ahead. But a part of me is still in the cave. It’s like watching a movie, or a dream. It’s not real. Or maybe it’s a place You’ve prepared for someone else, and You’re giving me a preview of the beautiful things You have waiting for them. But it’s not a place You’ve prepared just for me.

You are worthy of every good gift I have for you. I have made you worthy, by the Blood of My Son, Jesus Christ. By His stripes, you are healed, in every part of you – body, soul, spirit. There is nothing in heaven or hell or in earth that can keep you from the blessings I have in store for you. Nothing can keep you from the life I have planned for you, except your own feelings of unworthiness. Lay them down. They’re not from Me. I give only good gifts, and I give them in overflowing abundance.

What you’ve glimpsed is just the faintest dream, like a flicker of light on a swirling piece of dust. When you step where I am calling, your heart will not be able to contain the joy. You cannot imagine the place I’m speaking about. You see it in two dimensions. The place I speak of is infinite in its dimensions. It is a feast for your spirit and it will never end. Every step takes you deeper into My heart.

I want that. How can I get there?

Arise, daughter, and come with Me. By faith. Tell Me the desires of your heart. No matter what you feel, no matter what your mind tells you, no matter how hard it may seem, tell me your desires. Take whatever time you need. Time is nothing to Me. Ask yourself what you really need, what you really want. You’ll discover, to your joyful surprise, I have planted seeds of desire in your heart that you know nothing about.

Search your heart, and let Me search with you. Look for the little seedlings. Look at where they sprout. What are they? Can you identify them? Let Me help you, because I carefully place each one of them there, for a time such as this. Ask Me what they are, and I will tell you, one by one. Ask Me to nurture them, and together we will watch them grow. As your desire for all the good gifts of My Kingdom grows in you, your heart will begin to beat as one with Mine.

That’s incredible, Lord. I can’t even understand Your love. That You would place things in my heart that I’m not even aware of. I don’t even know my heart. I thought I had such careful control of my heart, all my life. I never realized what it means that my heart belongs to You. I never realized how much You desire to govern my heart, and to grow it up in Your love. I want to place my heart in Your hands. I want You to keep growing these things that You’ve started in me. I don’t want to have control of my own heart. I want to give it to You. Help me, Father.

Trust in Me. Believe the words I give you. Read My Word, knowing that My Word is Truth. Know that I hold you cradled in the palms of My hands, and I will never let you go. Know that every good thing that will grow your heart in My love, I Myself will bring about in you. There is nothing you need to worry about, nothing you need to do, except trust Me with your heart, and surrender all of your heart to Me. Say the words that you trust Me, that your heart belongs completely to Me, and the rest I will do. Say the words by faith, and know that I am faithful to respond, and that I will have My way in your heart, if you simply give your heart to Me by faith. Say the words right now, and I will begin to unfold the desires of your heart. The words I gave to you here, pray them back to Me now, knowing that everything you ask for in the name of My Son, Jesus Christ, I the Father will give to you.
 

… from my journal of Bible meditation, as I walk out the healing the Lord Jesus has poured into me, seeking daily nourishment and renewal in His Word …

What I feel like, God, is that I “know” if I knock, and seek You with all my heart, You will open the door and let me come in, and receive every blessing You desire for my life. I “know” all that, but I’m having trouble feeling it. It’s like I’m just going through the motions. I want to knock with real passion, with real expectation, knowing that when You open the door, what lies inside will be incredible, life-giving, beyond my wildest imagination.

Give Me your hand. Sit quietly by My side. I am the Source of all your passion and desire. It is only through My heartbeat that your passion is renewed each hour. The more you drink of My Spirit, the deeper your passion for Me and for the things of My Kingdom will grow. Feel My heartbeat. Let My love soak into you, just by being still and quiet in My presence. Breathe. Slowly. In and out. Breathe in My Spirit. Breathe it out. Let My Spirit fill you. Don’t force it – you can’t! Let Me do it. Just be still, and quiet, and breathe. And know that I am God.

Lord, Your words describe a treasure that seems beyond imagination. A promise that is so enticing. And yet … how do we actually feel it? When we’re bone dry and weary. How do we take your promise into our hearts, and live?

In the stillness, you will find everything your heart desires, and ever could. The fullness of My Spirit surrounds you, surrounds every particle of every cell of your body. Your spirit is infused with My Spirit; your spirit is My breath of life! You’ve forgotten who you are. Be still and know. As you breathe in the stillness, and trust, you will find that My passion has been yours all along. From the beginning of your life. From the beginning of the world. And before. And forever. All for you. My heart beats for you.

What if I’m afraid to be still? What if I’m afraid that if I quiet myself, there is nothing that will come into my heart and stir it up, ever again?

Let go of fear. Fear cannot abide My passion. Fear is a leech that sucks the life out of you. It drains you, slowly, steadily, unceasing. It never gives; it only takes. Cut it off. Lay it down. Walk away. Place My Cross between you and fear, so that it must flee. Then give your heart and your trust to Me. Everything in you that cries out to fear, let it cry out to Me instead.

Know by faith I am everything you could ever need. What I give will more than satisfy needs you don’t even know you have; but I know. Speak this by faith. As you receive My love, as you awaken to the flow of My Spirit through every breath, as you succumb to My Spirit, as you let yourself become one with Me, through your Lord and Savior, My Son, Jesus Christ, as you lay your life down at His Cross, and walk away from everything that would drain you and steal your birthright, and block your blessings … you will know by more than faith. You will know in your heart, in every part of you, that I am God.

It will be My heart not only beating for you, but in you as well. And you will know My passion, just as the Son of God, full of grace and truth. You will know that YOU ARE My passion. And My passion lives within you, inseparable from you, just as I am inseparable from you.
 

… from my journal of Bible meditation, as I walk out the healing the Lord Jesus has poured into me, seeking daily nourishment and renewal in His Word …